It has been a few days since I've written anything. My initial reasoning for writing a blog was to keep track of my life, express myself without judgement, and rant without bothering anyone. I no longer want to head in that self centered direction. I want this blog to serve as a place where I can still write my thoughts but also make anyone who reads this feel like they aren't the only one going through "typical girl problems".
I have never truly understood why girls judge each other. I don't understand why girls are always trying to compete with each other over who has the best stuff, the most friends, the hottest boys, who get the most attention. Who wins in that? Everyone assumes that the girl with the best wins, but at the end of the day, I have been that girl and there has been nothing as exhausting in my life as trying to be that picture perfect image everyday. Coming home after a day of classes, I would just crash. My family and my roommates are the only ones who ever really saw me for who I am. I stopped being able to sleep at night because of all the stress. I gave up the competition. I chose to be myself for exactly who I am. Sounds easy, right? Being myself is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.
I had to first figure out who I was and then how to be myself in public. Instead of planning my outfits for school ahead of time, i would just grab whatever based on how I was feeling when I first got up. These outfits quickly became simple combinations, the true me, simple and easy going. Most days I would either wear jeans and a hoodie or leggings and a cardigan. Most days rather than getting up early to make sure my hair and make up looked perfect, I decided I would shock people. The first time I chose not to wear make up to school, I also only brushed my hair because its naturally pretty straight, I had numerous people coming up to me to ask if I was okay, if I was sick. Basically what I got out of that was that I looked like garbage. At first I was shocked and a bit offended, then I realized these people had never seen what I truly look like, and everyone was shocked that I wouldn't wear make up.
The most interesting thing I discovered by my being completely myself was the number of girls around me that I noticed start to wear less make up and obsess less over their looks as well. Girls who I used to see walking through the halls who would generally look down and walk faster when we would make eye contact, I would try to make a serious conscious effort to talk to them and maybe I could help them feel included in things at school. No one deserves to feel like they don't belong. No one deserves to feel like they don't have friends or that they aren't good enough. Every single one of us is a gem. We are all different but we all have qualities that should be celebrated. These things that make each of us exclusively us should be broadcast to the world.
I am by no means perfect, we all have our flaws and quirks as much as our shining glories. The trick to life I think is, the celebration of all of those things. Who cares what other people think. The only time you need to worry about that is during a job interview, you need to convince them that exactly who they are looking for and that they need you. But out side a job interview, we should just be uniquely us.
I like everyone else still have my bad days. Those days where I don't want to get out of bed, those days when I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I like almost everyone else have things about my body and personality I wish I could change. The fact of the matter is that I try to conquer all of that. I roll out of bed and tell myself those demons are not going to win, not today not tomorrow not ever. I have decided to surround myself with people who love me for the me I really am. It may only be a small group of people, but as I've gotten older I have realized I don't need 100 friends worth a nickel, I would rather have 1 friend worth a loonie. I am lucky enough to have a few loonies in my life. I am thankful for everyday I get to spend with them.
Be truly you. Being you is the greatest gift you can give the world and yourself. I challenge you, no more painting on the fake smiles and pretending you are okay. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to yell, yell. Just be yourself. Be completely you, and don't be afraid to do it.
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